[[BEWARE]]itz hers

2011-12-25T11:18:00.003+08:00

Dear blog,

I deeply apologies for not updating since about 3months ago.

Life has been great so far,alhamdulillah.

Work wise;been hectic,tiring,chaotic,but fun as well.

CIT;been coping well so far..completing the course in Feb12.

Love;we're trying very hard not to argue over mini bits and to keep on understanding

eachother.

....to be continued

2011-09-01T23:02:00.001+08:00

its been almost 2 months since i last update.

theres for sure so many things that has been happening.

to cut it short,heres the lastest:

when i was working in the afternoon,i received a text frm dayah,asking if me n him have got back together or what. and of coz,i said no. bcos he havent been showing any signs/hints about getting back on track. its just that we've been contacting each other much often like we used to. so with that text frm dayah,i was really shocked to know and furthermore,she was telling me that he has changed his status frm its complicated to in a rship! how can i not be more shocked right!

hah!

so i continue working as per normal,but kept wondering in mind.

and when i reached home,first thing i did was to check my fb. there was a notification under request and was unexpected to know that it was really him who request for a relationship status!

i didnt accept to it that soon. coz the next thing i did was to see his profile and true enough,he changed the status.

and of coz,i was soooo excited that i immediately called dayah and she was just as excited as i am! :))

and so,i then decided to accept the request,and followed by an sms thanking him.

from then on, the way he text was sooo loving that it made me feel that we're on track just like how we use to..

and now that we are.

alhamdulillah! i just cant express how happy i was,to know that he made this decision.

oh ya,supposingly he wanted to really meet me badly today but i'm working so yea,we'll be meeting tmr instead.

i wonder how will our reaction be once we met. hehehe.

like i said,inever giveup onyou seriouslyi neverdo <3

love you dear.

2011-07-14T14:07:00.002+08:00

//1400hrs//

fact is,he didnt even reply to the text.
so i asked,did u get my text last night?he say he did.
and mentioned that,2 be honest i prefer this way..
i then burst into immediate tears.
also he said,for me,better not now. i prefer this way..i have my freedom.

so?what is it now that i'm wrong??have i done something which clashes with his freedom??
have i???

sigh.

i guess,its time.
for me to step back.
and stop hoping/expecting.
because there wont be anything,
not even a single thing.

maybe this is what u want,to keep leaving me with thousands of wonders and questions.
and maybe this is the reason that u decide to get yrself even busy with work and more work.
ok fine,i'll take a step off all this hopes.
coz u just dont seem to care,
yes u dont.
even if this gonna take months and months for us to meet,
i'll wait.
and i mean it,i wont give up.
if u think this is your way,
i'll have mine too.

2011-07-14T00:21:00.002+08:00

all of sudden,i'm feeling hopeless.
it has really been quite sometime since we last met,almost a month.
text him the 3.5 wish.
somehow i was hoping if i would atleast get back a short reply like the month before.
but to no avail.
well..i was disappointed,bursting in tears.
am i too emotional?
was he already fast asleep?
in the text,i mentioned about us,being in almost half the year since he left me alone with what he
has decided way months ago;and that i'm still holding strong even how hard situation was for me to overcome.

...
and its already half an hour since it was send.
yet,no reply,not even a text,nothing,

and worst,i guess now there's no more point for me to be wishing and hoping to meet him anytime soon.
as due to his tight schedule now; no,there won't be.we're not meeting.
i will have to get myself prepared if worst to be enduring for another month/s.
:'(

2011-07-04T23:44:00.000+08:00

i miss you, i miss us :'(

2011-06-14T00:23:00.002+08:00

its the 14th today.
4months that we're in this complications.
3years4months now.

text him just awhile ago at 0000hours:

"With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you..Happy 3years4months dearest..you should know how much and how strong my love is for you..loving you always.."

and i thought that he didn't bother to text any reply. i was about to get pissed as currently he's out with his buddy so yea. i assumed that he's too busy out there. however,15min after which,he replied.
i didn't even bother to expect any positive remarks at first because for the past few annis during this complications,his response were all seem to be as if for the sake of replying.
but i was wrong this time. instead, i was in all smiles after reading his text. even though its nothing interesting, just by saying, "Happy to u too syg.." , has already make me smile.

ever since we're in this complications, its just so and too hard for him to have the word 'syg'/'love' in texts. verbally,yes seldom;when he's been so natural to say it.
haiz..whatever and no matter what; this love,this small little heart, still stay strong,for you dearest.

2011-06-13T22:47:00.002+08:00

met him yesterday and how shall i say.
hmm..he treat me just the same as how he always do when we're together like in the past.
so when i feel that its the perfect time to let out,i did. he asked me what do i want. is there anything that i'm eyeing for. and since i'm the kind of person who dislikes asking people for things,i told him "hmm..tak ada apa apa yg i nak u belikan..tapi i rase ade 1..cume i tak tau kalau u boleh tunaikan ke tak.." (nah,i don't have anything but i think i do. but the fact is,i'm not sure if u could give me what i want)'
therefore he pester me to say it out directly without being so formal. so i said "yela..dgn ego u cm ni, bile lagi u decide. i tak mintak bnyk dari u..cume 1 ni je i mintak.."(yea..with your ego this way,when will u decide..i didn't ask much from u,only this)
and i guess,he understands and get what i meant so therefore he kept silence for sometime which I THOUGHT that he would give a positive remark. my feelings feels so strong that way. however it didn't. and my feelings also feels that he actually would want to make the decision at that time but seems like theres something bothering/stopping him to maybe.
haiz..wells..its ok..i know i love u..and i know u do too..

2011-06-08T20:33:00.002+08:00

its almost 2months since i last update.
well..my dear blog,you've missed a lot. yes,A LOT.
to date, i actually do keep/save every details of moments that happens.

to follow up from the last entry;
we met on the 10th April. and then onwards,i realised that we often contact.
all along,his ego is becoming much more obvious at times. for instance,on the phone with me and talking to his friends,the slip of the tounge refering me as 'perempuan aku' = 'ex aku'.
/18April-20April; seek my help as he plans on renting car due to him having a day stay chalet with his station mates, his mum wasn't well therefore i send and accompany. met him awhile before he's off to chalet.
/25April; it was monday and i had class. i didn't eat anything during lunch/breaktime and therefore asked him out for dinner and he agreed although he don't seem to be looking forward to it,but yeah..over to kfc near checkpoint area.
/26April; he studied for an upcoming test and so i didn't bother him much that day.
/28April; send his mum for medical checkup,and tag along to his crib thereafter. and i observed. at certain times, he seems suspicious. but i didn't dig in much.
/29April; he's just so into lappy, and couldn't even wait for the right time to own one. and because he just couldn't wait any longer,he owned hp netbook,and also,because i love him so much,and of my sincerity,i added some bucks to the cost. after we parted for the day,i confess to him again that no matter what,i truly sincerly love him so much,and it has never fade. i mean it,NEVER once fade since the first moments i love him.
/30-2May; he went off for a family holiday. and wanted to get himself a perfume in KL. he told me his desires, and again, of my sincerity and love for him, i transfer some amounts to him and he was more than just glad for it.
/3May; of his responsibility paying for his home internet bills.
/5May; send his mum for medical checkup,tag along to his crib,stay for sometime,before off my cousin n her bf in jb came fetching us,for hangouts.
/7May; we met.
/12May; send his mum for medical checkup,and off lunch with her.
/13May; had class,met kila at cityhall,and off to bugis meeting him n his buddy.
/14May; met him n family,his desire next on broadband usb and he owned it then on. off to westcoast till midnight with his family and aunt.
/20May; was my first few days of attachment,and therefore we met at Lot1 in the evening as he wanted to actually look for portable speakers. and again,of my sincerity,i passed him some bucks to add up the cost.
/29May; was after his duty,we met at wdlnds. off his desire for selling away his vivaz. then just browse on iPhone at singtel. my feelings are just so strong to know that he badly wants to own one. though i'm not adding any cost for this,but yet its to my address that matters since we actually had few lines on going with other operators. it took me about an hour to decide. telling me that he don't mind about not owning it now. but still,i could see his expression changed. so after much silence,i passed him my ic and yes,he was in real shocked + happy. so i said,sign up. and we did. for that, i don't really show much interest/expression as all in my mind,i kept thinking, i'm just freaking worried for him if he couldn't manage to pay for those lots of responsibilities when times to come.yes,he is such a responsible soul in paying all those.
and again,i confessed. this time,indirectly giving him hints. was saying 'now you will be more than a happy to have own a lappy and then now comes ip.how grateful you are. you'll be happy now i guess,unlike me. i just hope that you could think again n again,to put things back into consideration about us' he understands what i meant by that. and i shall say,somehow i was a little delighted as his response was pretty much positive. he told me that yes,he's thinking through on it and that he say,just wait for the time to come.
/3June; met him n his mum for early dinner at arab street before heading to his cousin's crib at wdlnds.
/6June; he went out with his buddy,till late midnight. and it has never happen before. sigh. i know i can't say much to avoid him from getting frustrated on my nagging. however,am grateful for as he still do text me throughout.
/as for today; he asked me out on either weekends or the coming week. oh well, i won't get excited as yet since i know that things can change.
..
so now...i know,after all mentioned above, some of you will just leave here and wont come back reading. i know some might just feel so irritated with me for why am i still being so nice to him?? why am i still treating him that way?? why can't i just bother my own desires more than his??
as i have clearly mentioned, my feelings for him is in fact much more stronger now. i would really really hope and wish for us to be back like our normal days. really i missed every moments. recalling all could make me turned to tears. if only he could make the right time comes now, only the Almighty will know how happy yours sincerely will be.
dearest solihin, i miss us; i <3 u. so much and a lot.

2011-04-09T01:54:00.002+08:00

sometimes i wonder..doesnt matter if its her or whoeverelse..but howcome dgn sekelip mata u can easily fall for..but why its hard for u to accept me and to continue from where we left.. what good points they have that i dont?..i still cant deny that kasih syg i to u still remains the same even maybe u will/have fall for others..honestly i would say,even theres alot of hurts/disappointments..but yet,tak pernah even once i hate u since the first we met..not even once..without fail i keep on praying,may at any point of time,the Almighty will show u his best guidance of who is actually sincere for u..bcos just like how u didnt give up wanting to know me atfirst,now this is how i wont give up loving and believing..

walaupun seberapa perit dugaan melanda tetapi andai masih kuat ketentuan olehNya, pasti balasan akan menimpa, petunjuk akan diberi.. yg mana permata,yg mana berbisa.. yg mana masih setia,yg mana berpura sahaja.. yg mana sejati,yg mana berduri.. kerna yg mengerti hanyalah Ilahi.. maha adil,maha mengetahui..

jgn berani bermanis kata, jgn sekali bersumpah setia, jgn selamba bermadu asmara kerna berpura berkasih takkan kemana. pasti akan ditemukan semula, jika kasih masih diyakinkan oleh yg Maha Esa, kerna terlalu serasi bersama, sejak saat pertama kisah bermula

2011-03-21T10:21:00.002+08:00

some truth was found.
i'm unsure if i should feel hurt,should be hating or to laugh out loud.
the feeling of 'love' is in the air for them.
to her,she feels that he's all hers now.
but to him,probably his response were all just for the sake of responding.

a dream was not suppose to be real.
but it was,most of the time for me.
it was such a freaking nightmare,really.
but i was thankful to Allah,for letting me know about it.

way days ago,i've prepared a text for him,
which i'm actually waiting for the right time to send.
however,when this truth was found,
i feel that i can't wait any longer for the right time.

istighfar,was the only thing i kept repeating after knowing the truth.
until now,
yes,currently while typing,
my heart just never want to fail,repeating istighfar.

on prayers too,
praying for his well being,and also hoping that may Allah opens up his heart for me again.
no matter how hurting i may have to go thru,yet i still keep on believing for me and him to be back as usual.

he's always been a part of me.
hopes he feels the same way too abt me.
may he will be aware that i am,and i will,be there for him,doesnt matter where and when.
i'm not being so proud/confident in myself,
but,
may he will be aware that i'm way better as to compare to her.
& may he will be aware that he will still need me by his side in good/difficult times.

Amin.

(only Allah knows what's with the truth.coz i won't detail it in here or to anyone.)

2011-03-20T20:07:00.002+08:00

its the 20th and its been a month since we're on hanging.
yet we still are now.
i wonder what are we now..seems like we often text..
as for me,even if we dont really text,my love is still strong for him..
just last night,i confess to him thru text,that i miss him..and i did mention if he dont feel like replying,just ignore that msg..
though it took me quite sometime to actually waited to see whats the outcome..even after 10min of waiting,i said to myself that ok thats it..he's not entertaining my msg of i miss him..so i dont bother to ask why didnt he respond anything..so i just kept silence..20min after that,he text me but of other topic..so i dont argue much,but to just entertain that topic..
sigh..without fail,i kept on praying,hoping for a change of his decision..insyaallah..
i know he wont be reading this for sure;
dear solihin,i still love u and am missing u much..its hard for me to tell if u felt the same way too or not..but truth is,i love u still and i really miss every sec of our moments together..really i do..dont u? hmm..

2011-03-12T22:43:00.003+08:00

met him.
out to town.like how we use to last time.
haiz.memories of the sweet good times and yes,nothing has change actually.
i would say,to interact,we're still the same..to meet,thats often nowadays..but to love/miss eachother,thats always me,and not him.
yea..on top of all those,now as to what i feel,we can actually anytime get back together like last time.BUT it seems like only the matter of love is not in his mind yet for now.
hmm..well..i know i cant force..but i'll definitely wait,no matter what.
yea why not?why cant i?
i dont mind whatever people may have to say abt me waiting like an unreturn love.
coz what i know.i still believe in this relationship to get better;if not now,then soon.insyaallah.

2011-02-27T13:33:00.000+08:00

am missing you.

2011-02-25T09:56:00.003+08:00

he's crazy.
he's out of his mind.
he's mad.
really,something's wrong with him.

Ya Allah,kau bukakanlah hatinya agar mendekatkan diri dgnMu Ya Allah.

Lembutkanlah hatinya agar dapat berubah dan menerima aku kembali ke pangkuannya

Ya Allah.

Berilah dia petunjuk dariMu Ya Allah.

Jauhilah dirinya dari hasutan dan godaan syaitan Ya Allah.

Lindungilah dia dari segala kejahatan,bencana,malapetaka dan segala apa jua keadaan buruk

Ya Allah.

Pimpinkanlah dia ke jalan yang lebih kau redhai Ya Allah

2011-02-22T14:04:00.004+08:00

and again,i seek help from a friend,to randomly chat with him abt us.
the response was wayy disappointing i must say.
and that makes my heart beats fast,and tummy with butterflies.
i dont know why.but haiz.

//

2011-02-17T15:03:00.002+08:00

i asked a friend to randomly asked him abt us.
he says we're ok,like normal.
ok so,how should i put it then?
he's hiding it from everyone? ok i dont mind that.
but i got alot of questions wondering in mind.
could he say that because he actually still has feelings for me,that he didnt want to tell people his decision?
or could he say that just for the sake of saying?
haiz..
day and night i pray,may the Almighty soften and open his heartless heart to see and realise that i'm still here for him..

2011-02-16T22:44:00.002+08:00

ask me hows things doing now.
-i'll sure say things has been good so far.
why?
-because i had my 'first day' of sch today.and i quite like it though its wayyy wordy in theory i must say.
-and because of me and him;hmm..i'll just put it as no strings attach? nah..i dont dare to say anything..
did he still text me?
-well yaa..but only when he feels like it,then i'll receive a msg frm him..if not,then it'll always be my itchy fingers to make things going.
any signs of getting back?
-hmm..i dont know..if i were to ask again,he'll start getting mad like again..so for this time being,no strings attach like i said!
other than that?
-well other than that,i occupied myself with a new story book i bought recently.
so let say if i'm schooling mon,wed,fri,the rest of the days atleast i got my book along.yea..somehow like that..
so whats now?
-now?hey its 2251hours,and i've started to get sleepyy..ohh well..i prefer this wayy coz its part of the things that could make me busy! yes,sleep sleep sleep and forget abt(texting him) for a while..

2011-02-14T00:25:00.001+08:00

this was made end of last month.before we were on hanging.
upon the making of this,i found myself weaker and weaker to carry on doing it.
and yes,endless tears start falling throughout the whole making..same goes even when i return to edit.maybe thats the hint for whats happening now.haiz.

its the THIRD today and just as coincidence,
(T)ulus(H)atiku(I)ni(R)indu(D)irimu
3Years is extremely way much of a journey as compared to 3Seconds,3Minutes,3Hours,3Days,3Weeks,3Months
....
with u we've shared a whole lot of smiles
with u we've shared a whole lot of care and worries
with u we've shared a whole lot of love and misses
with u we've shared a whole lot of jokes
with u we've shared a whole lot of laughters
with u we've shared a whole lot of problems
with u we've shared a whole lot of fights,misunderstandings and arguements
with u we've shared a whole lot of hurts and disappointments
with u we've shared a whole lot of cries and tears
with u,we'll miss a whole lot of everything

just 1 thing i want u to know,
i love u still and always will.no matter what,i never give up on u,seriously i never do.
i know if its not because of me,u wouldnt have become a total heartless now.pardon me coz i cant bare to stop myself from caring for u,loving and missing u.
if by God's willing,at anytime even if it takes weeks,months or even years,my heart will always be open fr u by all means if u were to return.

)':

2011-02-13T00:32:00.000+08:00

we met this morning.
and honestly,i was so nervous as i was on my way meeting him.
i told myself not to show him any hurt-disappointment mood.
thank god,once we met,he seems to be in the ok-mood i guess?
yea..was with 1 of his friend.so maybe thats the reason he could be that way?
(anyway i got the feeling that he's asking his friend to tag along so he could remain his cheerful mood all through out?when instead if he doesnt,it might probably be a silent date or i shall say meet up btween me and him?)
nah..that's a little confusing to think..
so as i was saying,once we met,we make a move and took the train to amk.(since he told me he wants to buy perfume like he usually does and as for me,i need to get a shoe)
so there we went to amk.oh yes,and all along the ride,most of the time i was quiet..yet,i didnt show up my heartbreaking mood la of coz.(since i told myself not to)
which means he's most of the time talking to his friend..well,i dont mind la how long they want to talk..(usually,i will get pissed off la if that happens..but since we're not in gd terms yet,i was quite surprise to myself that i manage not to get pissed! a little yeay there huh..)
so as we move on,things was like normal i guess?yea..we do talk,we do joke ard like how we use to..and of coz,parts of my heart was saying that i really miss those kinda moments man!
haiz..but well,i cant say that to him of coz! for sure he'll get mad since our condition have yet to get better..hmm..
and again..as we move on,things was still ok..the joke ard like how we use to,remains the same..
after amk,we head back to wdlands..then came the part when we are about to depart..
ok wait,on our normal good term days,once we met for the day,i will always salam him.but it doesnt turn out today..haha..i think i was too nervous..
only when we are departing,i did..and like how he always say his last words during our depart, "pape msg"..

then we proceed on our own ways..
haiz..i admit that today's meetup is too short..but atleast he brighten up my day abit?
ohh yes..guess what..apart from the above,some good points i realised..
our ring is still on his finger..the way he communicate to me remains the same..the way he treats me is still almost the same like how he use to..
haiz..so how should i reform everything then..repeatedly i told myself not to put very high hopes..but yet,i cant deny that my love for him remains the same too..infact,much stronger now i guess..hmm..kinda hard to tell the situation now..
well its alright..i really really hope we'll be back as how we use to..
bcos i want him to be my last man..bcos i wouldnt want to start anything new instead of him since 3years its been..
insyaallah,if god's willing..

2011-02-10T15:34:00.002+08:00

ku amat menyesali segala yg kini berlaku..
jika ia tak berpunca dari diriku sendiri..
walau perit,hatiku tetap ada kamu.
benar ku harus terima apa adanya,
namun jujur juga ku tak mampu terus tanpa kamu.
ku tahu,kau tetap dgn kata putus mu.
tiada kuasa yg ku ada selain kuasa dariNya.
semoga Dia masih syg hubungan kita
yg seperti biasa.
//
really i do regret.really really i do.
i know,whats done cannot be undone.
to be honest here;
i, siti nurmai'syah, have been controlling him too much all this while..that now he's sick and tired of everything.and due to that,he's letting off everything.
yes,everything..no love,no heart,no nothing)': not anymore
heres some of what:

him: its my life....u have to just accept the fact...i n u now just fren ok..
me: seriously i cant k b..
him: but i can...
me: thats u b..not me..
him: tis my life...i hv my own right..no 1 can stop me doin anitin....
me: haiz..
him: i dont like ani1 to bother my life animore...even if i go out wif a gal also, dont try 2 sae anitin...i hv notin wif ur life n i wan my life....
me: haiz..
him: now if i want to mit my fren,doesnt matter a guy or gal,i wont hv to think if i can or not..becos no 1 can control animore..
me: ok b..so y can u meet yr fren girl but u cant mit me?i'm yr fren also rite.
him: yes u r but not now...just after u can accept the fact....
me: haiz..
him: now i prefer fooling ard with what i do..but i would not want to hv any feelings to any1 animore..i had enuf..
me: haiz..
him: 1 more thing....learn from ur mistake or u loss ani1 again in future....
me: hm yea i know..
..
look..how heartless he is now..he's sick n tired of the way i am to him..i know i'm not like other girls,who would allow the guy to go out with the friends just as they wish..i'm really really sorry abt that dear..
i know theres no point regretting..but yet,i still do love him no matter what..
i dont mind,i dont care if people were to say whatever they want about me not moving on.
well yes,i can move on..but no i cant get away from not loving him..
bcause 3years is not as 3days,3hours..its not a short period of time for me to let go just like that..
only if i didnt happen to control u on things,for sure we're still us,remain the love as strong as it use to be.. )':
dear solihin,i will never give up on u,seriously i never do..

2011-02-08T11:10:00.002+08:00

and again..it happends)':

everything happends because of my fault..i admit..but i cant deny i still love u..i cant deny my love for u is still very strong even how u have decide..i still do love u b..i know people may say things have to move on..but not for me..i love him whole heartedly..we hv gone thru lots of ups and downs together..didnt u cherish all that b?..how cud u leave everything just like that..in a few days time we'll gonna be 3rd..and now heres what happening..hmm

2011-01-27T12:41:00.003+08:00

errghh!! i'm not kidding,but i guess its best that i'm warded to IMH. stress,too stress,very stress ; in high stage of stress and depression. i need a psychiatrist.

well,thats what my fb status lately..honestly,i'm not being myself..even my mum sees me behaving differently..i'm so depress about everything that's happening in life..i'm tired of everything..i had enough..da terlalu banyak kepahitan & seksa i've been through..i want to go far away from here..i'm becoming weaker day by day..without fail and its always the tears that has keep me accompany..hati da terlalu sakit nak pendam,tahan & sabar dgn bende same yg selalu happen..maybe its fate; god makes my life this way,and not having happiness like others..to dearest,up to u if u were to say i'm behaving like a kid..my personality has totally change..i'm not as strong as before..sometimes i don't feel like living anymore..whats the use if life is full of sufferings..too long,so long i've been patient with all this..all my dreams,wish and hopes has gone..i see myself hanging at no where without future..

for nearly 2 weeks,i've been staying at home..no matter how i tried avoiding myself to think about it,yet its still the same..
and for that nearly 2 weeks also,we've not been meeting..
i thought,in my condition this way,he will be by my side to consult..but no..he didnt..the only thing i had from him was text messages of concern..
and for that 2 weeks also,not a single call from him..
tell me about it..u with yr no initiative..i'm really disappointed in u..
its ok if u think thats what u prefer all this while;not to meet for a period of time.thats what u always wanted right?ok go ahead with yr other priorities..just go..leave me hanging this way..
i dare to swear,now onwards,i wont keep asking and pestering u about meetings/outings..

(dear blog,pardon me for behaving this way.i know u surely hate me being this way.people may see me in all smiles,but deep inside,i'm all alone keeping all these.)

2011-01-12T00:01:00.002+08:00

Dear blog,
i know i have neglect u for a very long time.i'm sorry for that.
i have got so so many things on me;to settle,to do.
life?hah..dont ask me about it..coz i've got nothing interesting to tell at all..
why?coz i'm soon to be a fulltime jobless! yess,eversince i left the island(which i cant deny,has teach me alot,and have got lots of fond memories to be kept)
love?hmm..its hard to summarise u see..coz lately there have been lots of ups and downs between me and him..its either i dont understand him,or vice versa.
sigh..at times when i'm down,he's not there when i need support..and comes situation where i dont like the way he is,he wouldnt want to make the effort to make corrections to it..
i do envy couples enjoying themselves going out,spending time with eachother..unlike us..
all those are just part of our countless memorable moments in the past..there isnt any of those nowadays..he;with his work..and me;with watever i'm doing at home..offdays?nah..we're unlikely to be seen going out during his offdays..reason?he prefers staying at home,and spend the whole day resting and paying back all his sleepless nights.. feel my frustrations?
yeahh..i feel that ALOT of times..but well..what and how else can i say if end up he will still thinks i'm not understanding..haiz..tough..its really is..
now if u ask what's going on with us?well..i can just say i'm following the flow..
if we're ok,then we are..if we dont seem to be on the right track,then we're not in gd terms..
right,enought about love.
as for career life;i'm just so sick and tired of it can?i really had enough!
been cheated,been teased,been used as to wait for but end up nothing..
school?well..the one i wanted is wayyy to ex..
haiz..i just don't know whatelse to say about whatever things i've suffered lately..ohh yess,asking about my NewYear?well thats it! ):

2010-11-18T10:47:00.002+08:00

FINALLY,
heres my updates after almost a month since the last entry.

well,talking abt life,it has been great only that i'm being more and more lazy to work nowadays.
recently i kept searching and sending resumes to certain jobs.however so far non respond.BUT
just few days back,i got a respond.
to cut it short,i've already went for the interview and will be officially starting early next year.
its a full time position but i was advice to take up part time position first before i go further.
well,that was what i wanted also since i've got no experience working in that kind of environment.
i know you might be wondering what job am i taking,well its a position of art trainer.somehow like teaching art enrichment classes kinda thing.
the working hours is not so much meaning i wont be earning much.i'm ok with it.
why?because i just wanted to try out this as a new experience.IF i feel i can stay long in that kinda environment,than i will for sure consider their full time position.
another sad thing is,my saturdays and sundays wont be as free as what i get now):
itu part sedih bagi saya.da takbole nak happy happy klua on weekends oi. boleh,but after 5pm.
sape nak layan?haha!

ok2,enough of that.
lets now update about me and my abg fire fighter.
ehh wait! oh yaa.blogger doesnt know about his pop at all pon kan?because i've been MIA-ing for quite sometime.HAHA!
oh wells,yes he's done with POP and now he's a fire fighter.
so do u think he will have more time for me since he's now a fire fighter?
nah,thats a no..i still have to be patient and endure and be more understanding for his work schedule now.
tkpe la kan..sape la kite ni..terpakse layan diri sendiri je..

2010-10-05T14:59:00.002+08:00

2010-09-09T20:19:00.002+08:00

‎& Ramadhan telah meninggalkan kami. Ya Tuhan,sesungguhnya Ramadhan kali ini blm sempurna sebagaimana kami inginkan.dan sekiranya diizinkan olehMu,moga kau temukan kami lagi dgn Ramadhan yang hadapan.insyaallah.

2010-07-29T12:44:00.002+08:00

there have been a manpower cut down recently at work.
so with that,initially i was rostered to work yesterday,today and tomorrow.
however,i was rostered OFF on tuesday(27th),and was told not to work for the next upcoming days due to the cut down.
which means,i've been at home since tuesday the 27th till today,and tomorrow.
am so freaking bored at home.wanted to go out,but who with?where to?nah,i got no idea anyway.

and also,just recently,there's alot of things going on at home.haiz.why must it happen when i'm not working.why must i listen to all those arguements.
how i wish i could disappear from home for the moment.hmm.
i forced myself not to text bb and let him know whats happening.
but my fingers are too itchy to do so.which i did last night after our convo on the phone.
in addition to that,i did mention that i'm sorry for making him worried if he were to read the messages.but i didnt intend to.of coz,i dont want him to think so much on my side,when he himself is busy with camp stuffs.haiz.

dad,could u please atleast understand mum's situation?at this moment,she really need your full support and understanding.and u shouldnt have react the way u are yesterday.she has already inform u way in advance that she's going out to nyai's place.so,why must u throw and show your anger/frustrations when she got home at 7+pm?what?u dont like it if she got home at that time?
mind you,she's visiting her own mother.not going out for fun.

now waiting for tomorrow & weekend to come fast.
& roster,please be out by tonight/tomorrow please?

anyway i just realised that since my recent pay,i have yet to spend on anything except to buy meal on KFC.and thats all.
oh yes,hope i could remain saving.

2010-07-26T23:29:00.002+08:00

and i was on mc yesterday.
had really a hectic day at work recently,which i personally feel that i wasnt beeing ok both physically and mentally.
well,some might be aware on an incident which happen at my work place.and which,i was involved.
haiz.and yea.it made me really freak out like nightmare.and that was the reason why i took mc;at the same time,flu and fever as well.
so with the only 1 day mc i had,i spend my time whole day resting at home on bed.from morning,till afternoon,till evening.
and just as i was still sleeping,i received a call from bb.
ok,before that,he text me saying he just left home with his brother sending him back book-in.
so alright,i couldnt respond much but to just say ok,and then off i went back to sleep.
and i was saying just now,when he called,i was awaken by the call la kan.and was more awaken when he sounds so pissed off throughout the convo.
like eh pls eh.i was sleeping,resting,at my unwell situation,and yet u could still sound that way to me.
i calmly asked,dear,wat happen?jgn pekik2 ble tak?ble bbual baek2 kan?
and he say,yela! da tgh binget2 gini,nak bbual baek2 ke ape!
ok,so i say.da eh,kalau nk bbual cm ni,takya call laen kali.
and he changed topic and went straight to the point whereby his bro's car was all of a sudden down.and its was still long way to go to reach jb custom.
and that was like 6pm.and he have to reach his camp by 7.30pm.how can it be tell me?
so,i hang up the phone after hearing whats happening,straightway i told mama about it.and coincidently,mama and bapak was about to leave house to marsling.
therefore,when they already left,i called mama's mobile,and asked her about if bapak dont mind sending bb off to camp.
and to my surprise,they say ok!
on the spot i inform bb about it,and told him to meet them at where they will be.
yes,i was at home.was wondering how would bb react with my parents without me around.
but so far,everything's ok.
i have my lil sister to be my reporter when she got home.coz she tagged them along.heh.
so thereafter,my parents send bb off to camp,which took him to reach there slightly late by 5 to 10min.but he says its ok.
and he appreciate my parents help so much,that he thanked me and my parents.
eh helo,awak jgk yg da ye2 marah2 kite tk tentu pasal time kite tido,abey da gini,ckp thankyou la pulak?
ahhh yela.suke hati la eh.malas la nk argue.

anyway,in conclusion,i still cant believe it that my parents(especially my dad) would agree to send him.which i thought they wouldnt want to by giving excuses or whatsoever.

k.i'm done with updates.
till next time!

2010-07-22T19:40:00.003+08:00

am currently in the library.
yes,at this hour(1943).without any purpose though.
left work at 5pm just now,and made my way here to the library.
doing nothing much other than to check mails,and hopping on few sites.
and when its about time to leave,(maybe at ard 2015hours),then i will make my way home.
probably i'll walk home which will take me reaching at about 2040hours.
then i'll wash up,settle things here and there,prepare things for tomorrow's work,have dinner maybe,and slack thereafter.
oh ya,of coz not to forget,waiting for bb's call(:
ohh well,i've been missing my abg botak.just so can't wait to meet him in few days time.
(:
so i guess,thats about it for the moment.
oh ya! and i have yet to study my btt.haha! -_-
ok,till next time!
takecare and bye people!(:

2010-07-11T20:01:00.003+08:00

the day was spend awesomely yesterday.
met in the afternoon,and ends at night.
thankyou for the things and thanks so much for your time b.

2010-07-04T23:59:00.002+08:00

thanks so much to bb,for spending his little time with me yesterday.
eventhough initially he have got plans with his friends,which was cancelled at the very last minute.

love u so much and forever.

2010-06-30T22:56:00.002+08:00

was it me who is not understanding,or is it him who doesnt seem to understand my time of sacrificing.

as for the month of july,i specially request in the schedule to not work on all saturdays.hoping and expecting for a meet up/outing spend with him.

HOWEVER i guess,this week,there wont be a single day,a single time,meeting/seeing him.
and i guess,it will be the same for the next week,and might be for the next 2 weeks also.

:'(

mungkin da mmng ditakdirkan kite tak kan dpt jumpe kan b..hmm..

da la..kalau da mmng betol tak akan ada 1 masa,1 saat pn bertemu,biarkan la.
sesungguhnya ku tak sanggup,namun terpaksa juga ku terima.

ive been keeping quiet throughout our convo when he called me just now.not that i'm pissed off,but more on disappointments all over.
haiz..if its true that theres really no changes made for the week,then thats it.
i will just go with the flow.

whatever happends,i wont let u know,but to keep things between me and myself.
i wouldnt want to let u worry.

coz deep in my heart,like i never fail to say;
i love and miss u,so much and forever.

2010-06-27T14:57:00.003+08:00

Bad accident.
alone i board a cab.atfirst everything was smooth.but all of a sudden,the driver seem to purposely drive like mad,till it dashed onto a tree.
(a dream i dreamt last night. oh my Almighty,why and whats going on to me this days.been getting all weird incidents and signs all over. astaghfirullahalazim.)

hmm.. :'(

its not that i'm creating stories.but its been fact.
lately i really had all sorts of weird incidents happening to me.
it all started last saturday; fell down at my home bustop.when it wasn't even raining at all,not even a wet ground. and i somehow fell on the rocky grounds.having bruises,wounds,minor cut on foot and knee.

then,on 1 of the weekdays on my off day; i just finished having breakfast,and was about to put my glass plate into the sink,and somehow all of a sudden,it dropped and break into pieces. & i WAS HOLDING IT WITH 2 HANDS! how can it suddenly dropped tell me.

and just last night; was the bad cab accident i dreamt.

told bb about it.he advice me not to think about it any longer.but i insisted,coz how should i?
its not about minor incidents that happened.
i myself,am worried.

& i guess,yesterday will be the last day meeting and seeing bb,coz today evening,he's booking in,and on book out,i wont be fetching him due to teaching.and on coming weekends,he'll be going out with his friend.and thats about it for the whole of next week.
as for the coming next 2 weeks on the weekends,still,might not be having any meetups with him.
next 3 weeks,on the weekends;his bunk mates has got plans for their outing. so again,no meetup.
hmm..
well..i'm pissed for sure..coz this should'nt be the way..but what can i do more.
will be all by myself.i'm prepared.

(and i don't know why i feel unsecure after getting those incidents.)
told him everything.he's worried of coz.and he never fails to say his love to me.

"b love u so much".."i just want u to know tat i love u so much"..

& i replied: "remember me always..pray for me and my safety..don't forget to takecare of yrself and yr health..love u too,so much and forever."

2010-06-24T23:18:00.003+08:00

now.70% of my heart says i want to start this business of wedding planning.
me,doing the planning;dearest being the soundman.
FUH!
saya excited!
(:

& great big thank you to nad and shidah for accompanying me just now.
thankyou ladies!

2010-06-15T22:12:00.002+08:00

was told by bb to delete away the photos of him in uniform at whichever sites i've uploaded.
so ya,i did.

anyways,i thought today is wednesday! so tmr will be thursday and then friday,and friday evening fetch bb.
but its ok.now is already night time.can start counting as wednesday la kan.heh.

hmm..now i feel that i still can't manage to make decisions on my own without him around to advice. ):
though nevertheless somehow i have already get over the fact to be on my own when he's away in camp.yeap,making myself busy especially when i'm at work.
however when times and moments like now happends,thats it man!
i need u!
sigh..

2010-06-12T19:51:00.005+08:00

i'm so emotional now.not depressingly emotional,but somehow i felt happy,much appreciated and much being love.despite of me having flu and sore throat which have yet to cure since the past few days.

today i went to work; * wearing 3/4 dress bb bought for me when he's in KL,with thights.and mind you,that was seriously a random pick.

somehow i expected to meet bb today after i end work.but another somehow i felt that nevermind its ok.let him rest and so i would'nt want to be a person who pesters him to meet me.
and so,when i was on my way out from sentosa,in the express train,i give him a call.just to ask what is he doing.after ended the call,i randomly text him and telling him that i wore *.

so i thought that he would have just replied ok.however i was wrong.
he replied: ler..ayg nk jumpe b eh sebenarnye?
i said: tak la b..ayg saje2 je pkai gini..lagipn ingtkn mane tau b turon keje jumpe yr fren ke..jadi ade jgk masa jmpe ayg kejap ke ape..tapi for today,ayg mmng tak expect pape pn dari b..
him: knp ayg tknk ckp daritadi syg..ayg cm ni,b sedih tau.ayg da ckp pkai cm ni da mcm harapkan nk jumpe b tau..hmm..
me: tak la b..b takya rase bersalahla k..
him: tak la syg..if ayg nk ajak b klua,lainkali ayg ckp je k syg..b kalau nk klua pn tak fikirkan kwn b dulu but b fikirkan ayg dulu..b rase bersalahlah syg..
me: ala b..its ok k b..

and so after i text him i've board the bus home,he replied that he'll msg me in a while.
after which,when i've reached home,i text him again,asking him what is it that he wants to msg me about.
and to my surprise and unexpected reaction,he replied: yg b nk msg tu,b nk bagitau yg b love u so much..
of coz i was so touched that it was so random of him to say that to me.and for the past few days,he's been asking me to takecare of myself.
honestly,i'm afraid if it might be the signs as if something bad will happen.
however his respond was: takde papela syg..b syg sgt kt ayg..da tak slalu b jumpe ayg kn..sbb tu b nk ayg jaga diri..ni baru 1week b masok,ayg da sakit2..b risau tau..
...
oh my..only the Almighty knows how touched i was,knowing that his love and care is this much..
and as i mentioned on my facebook status; i know that he hates the word forever.but i just wanna say that i love him so much..and forever..

dear solihin,no one can replace your way of loving me.

(honestly,i've got no intention to show off or to make others envy on my current rship with my bf.my whole point is hereby to make an awareness to each of us that no matter how bad the person have hurt u at times,in the end,you yourself will be the one judging and for sure,brings you no regrets.so lets learn from one another.)

2010-06-08T22:14:00.002+08:00

21:50 hours-
was concentrating watching tv and suddenly bb called!
quickly i rushed into my room and answered his call.so so happy that i nearly burst out to tears.
(burok siak aku! happy nangis,sedih tentu2 nangis)
anyway;

b: hello..da tido eh syg?tgh buat ape?
me: hello b! takla..blm tido lagi..tgh tgk tv je..
b: oh..ni kejap je tau syg..kul 10 da lights out..ni nak kene gosok uniform..tapi 1 je iron board..cm mane seyy nk gosok ade ramai nak pakai..
me: den cm mane nanti?
b: ala..gi mampos laa..bsk 1 kene semua kene uh..bey dorang expect ape sey..
me: laa..den how tadi?da start training?buat ape satu hari?da mkn?
b: da mkn daa..mkn nasi..tadi blaja2 sikit2 je..friday ni book out tau syg..
me: huh??eh??kate 2weeks??
b: enta..dorang kate friday kul 5 klua..y syg?
me: tkde pape..den takde sape2 u kenal?
b: takde la..sume muka baru..cume ade kwn2 lame yg da lame masok,tadi dorang jage2 je..
me: ouw..den sume ok?
b: okla syg..dont wori k..
me: erm ok..
b: k la syg..dorang da start rounding ni..da nak kene lights out..hp pn i off tau after this..besok mlm i call u again k syg..
me: ok..
b: u jage diri k syg..bye syg..
me: ok bye..

(: am happy now! smiling wide upon receiving his call.
upnext,looking forward for upcoming night calls frm him.
AND of cos,looking forward for friday to come! (:

2010-06-08T14:50:00.002+08:00

and this is it.
bb has already just entered the life of an NS man.send by his sister.
i felt guilty for not sending him.
not that i don't want to;i obviously want.
but to think back,i better not.
as i honestly will get emotional.

making me disappointed early morning when he was on his way to cda;
was when i called him,and we didn't manage to talk as usual.coz he says: "ok la,pape msg je k"
and of coz i'm hurt in a way.so once we end the call,i text him right away: tkble bbual eh?tkble takpe la..u just takecare je..(and i cried) )':
his reply: bkn tkble syg..b tknk nanti bbual,end up u are down syg..
(thenafter that reply,i didn't even reply his few other msgs)
after informing me he has board the bus from cck,he text: ayg don't worry bout b k..ayg takecare tau syg..
(makin la aku emo!)
all i replied was: ok..
and he text: b tau how u feel..b try my best tiap2 mlm b msg ayg k..siang b will off hp..
and i replied: ok..
when he reached,he informed me:b da smpai tau syg..
and thats it! THATS THE LAST MSG! unbelievable for me.
yes,coz i expect him to atleast msg me before he officially have to start.
but no.he didn't.all i did was to text him: da masok eh?knp tk msg ayg before masok?.
& of coz he there's no reply at all..sigh..

now,waiting for his next msg/call.which i guess will only be tonight..
whatever it is,
dear bb,ayg will miss u so much..i am too close to you that i can't deny its tough to get apart from you for this long..i will wait for you no matter what..and b don't worry,ayg will try my best to get use to it,and be strong..eventhough i know you hate the word forever,but i don't care..coz i love you so much and forever..

2010-06-07T23:13:00.000+08:00

today was the last day meeting bb..
went to the island,and he returns all his work stuffs..
i know how he feels..he admits to me that its hard for him to be apart from his workmates.
all of them are already like close brothers..
accompany him to search for few other things that are needed for ns.
had our last dinner at seah im.
and off we took 963.
i kept on pestering him not to sleep in the bus..although i know his head is having slight migrain..
but he did for few moments.
and as i was about to alight at my stop,salam him,and; "b takecare k?" (and teros i was nearly turned to tears! but i controlled for a while)
and he says: ye syg..u don't worry k syg..& *kissed on my forehead* :'(
so when i already alight from the bus,tears start falling.
text him saying that i failed to be strong..& he says,its ok..take it slowly k syg..
sigh..

2010-05-25T22:56:00.002+08:00

...
and people might thought that just before couple of weeks a boy has to enter the life of serving the nation,he will be spending the fullest time with his love ones.true?..
well actually not.
unlike me;rather then spending quality time with me,my dear has to work..yeap,work like theres no end.. why?
simply because theres more and more events that he has to setup..and mind you people,its not just about working 9am-5pm / working just 8hours daily,this poor dear of mine has to work more than that.and yes,like now.he's still working at this hour,and will be staying over at work since they are still setting up for the upcoming event. lucky for him that he got some chance to go back home past few days after ending each work.not like his other work mates,who has been staying over at work since last friday onwards till now and next coming day(s).
gaji bomb?
ohh yess,itu sudah tentu..but then,once they have been working like this,most of the time when it comes to payday,all of them will start to get pissed.why?not because their pay is unsufficient,but its all abt the cpf.

oh anyways,as for myself.like always,i have yet to get sufficient rest and sleep.yesterday was the only day that i got to actually meet my dear and somehow spend some time.AND that was after we both end work.ok,thats actually still not enough for me though.hah.yeaa.but i told and promise to myself that i wouldn't want to get mad with dear from now on till he entered ns.
haha..yea,trying not to.but at times he will somehow make me so pissed.and that i have to actually crack some joke in between,preventing myself from showing off my anger to him.
haha!

right..i guess this is long enough to cover these past few happenings..
till next time.
takecare all.

2010-05-20T00:02:00.005+08:00

Yesterday was awesome.

went for a double date with bb's workmate;Rafie and his fiance.the newly engaged(:

and it was just so conincidence that all of us wore red.

ok,atfirst i met bb as usual at kranji mrt.rafie was already in the train reaching kranji.and so when the train he was in,reached kranji,bb and i entered and the three of us were giggling and laughing.coz it was really a coincidence knowing that all of us wore red.haha.and so i call it a Double Red day.(:

therefore,we made our way to amk to meet rafie's fiance.thenafter,proceed to toapayoh hdb hub.(that newly engaged wanted to apply a new hdb house)

and after they settled everything,we had our lunch at kfc.then after,we made our way to town.where we don't really have any agenda for the day.

did some window shopping here and there,and bought movie tickets for The Losers at 7pm.

few hours later,we got back to town for the movie.

i grade 8/10 for the movie.eventhough in the begining i don't seem to be so interested on the story,but after understanding the storyline,then i began to get myself commited to it.

i love to see the way the guys plan on their tricks to get rid of their enemy.

and the shooting impact here and there.
now i realise,i love this kind of movie.hah.

anyway,simply said;i love yesterday.

thanks to bb,rafie and fiance,for making yesterday a wonderful day(:

2010-05-11T18:55:00.002+08:00

& yes,first and for all,big congratulations to Dian Irnani upon her graduation today.

if you dear people might be wondering who is she;well,she's my bf sister and apparently we work at the same place.
most people have this thought that we both look alike.aren't we?haha.

anyway so ya..met up with them at RP this morning,and off to the theatre.

(this is my first time meeting/going out with his mum&sis w/o my bf around! (: )

heh..nevertheless,we end up meeting with my dear solihin at the end of the day though.

yeap.went over to their cousin's place at woodlands right after the graduation ceremony,and dear solihin came by at late afternoon.

actually,thats about it for today.

i'm currently resting after reaching home just now.

yeap,cos will be back to work again tomorrow till end of the week.

got to get much rest now.

take care people!

2010-05-05T22:35:00.002+08:00

bb's going in a month's time.
and this is what we talked about recently:

u..my training will be about 3 to 4 months tau..
ya ok..then?
taklaa..den if gitu,u tkble jumpe i tau..
merepek la! da lepas 2minggu,da bookout ble jumpe pe..
yela syg,tapi lepaskan my training abes skali la den we jumpe..how?
alaa!!! merepek uh! taknak uh gitu! mane bole!
haha..laaa..mane bole apenye..bole la syg..3 bulan skejap je seyy..pejam celik da lepas 3 bulan..
yelaaa memang..tapi hari hari nak tunggu day by day lepas,punye lah lambat..
abey..nk buat cm mane..
alaaa..takkan la skali2 bookout tkble jumpe..
bole memang la bole..ahhh tu la..ni akibatnye da terlalu manje sgt kann..da slalu sgt je jumpe..tgk,skrg da susah nk lepas..
ehhh tak ehh..ns punye pasal,i understanding tau..
haha..yela syg..

--haiz..don't know la eh..kept wondering about the day..
nevertheless,i got to be strong..

2010-05-02T12:07:00.003+08:00

its the 2nd May today.
and ohhh my..next month next month):
i tried not to think about it too much,like bb always tell me,don't think about it.just hope he will be fine all time.
yes dear,i hope coming 3 or 4 months will pass by as fast as possible.
and yes,i will try to be strong.
well,some people might be spending their last few moments with their love ones before the went on for something.
but as for us,i got the feeling that no.it might not happen.like i said,our offdays doesn't fall on the same day.
so..most of the time,we'll meet on the phone.i mean,communicate via telephone.i can't ask for more,but i have to start and learn to be more understanding.
i admit,i tend to make him pissed whenever we don't get to meet.
nevertheless,now onwards,will be the time for both of us to hold on a trust.

iloveyou.

2010-04-30T19:12:00.002+08:00

its been quite sometime since i last update in here.i haven't got any much of free time to surf the net and blog.except to check on mails.
nevertheless,here is the right time though.

its 1919hours now(seems like i'm too used to working so much till i wrote hours in here).
am currently tutoring my cousin.
yeap,went straight after i end work at 1645hours.
tired?nah..i'm getting use to this routine.honestly,to say in an informal term,simply said; i got "no life".
hah..yeah..what to do..i love the place i'm working at right now.(minus some people whom i don't really click that so well)
i will somehow feel like its a big lost if i were to leave my working place.i'm comfortable with the working operations.
just so if any of you might be wondering why am i so use to tired-ness or the term "no life".
well here you see,
out of 5 weekdays,i work for like 4days? / sometimes all 5 weekdays.
and if its 4days of weekdays,then i have another 1 day weekend.nope,not off day,but working day.
so easy to say,for the pass few weeks,i don't feel that my weekends is much spend for myself/my family.even my boy.
nope,we don't spend quality time on weekends to spend,dating/watching movies.
we work.yes,both of us working on weekends.
and so,we will only date after working hours.having dinner after work.infact,worst come to worst,home straight right after work.
cool?lame?boring?you decide(:

yes,i do grumble and get pissed whenever i don't get to meet him.another reason;our off days doesn't fall on the same day.
AND,even when it falls on the same day,we don't really meet.
better to be resting at our respective homes.

dear,i know you tend to get irritated by my unnecessary mood swings/frustrations/misunderstanding over our small matter.but,simply said,at times,i miss you a lot and so much.

well,now on..i HAVE to train myself to be a "loner" without him by my side all the time.
he's getting on something very very soon.
and definitely i will miss him terribly.

however,he needs my support,and he wants me to be strong.
yes dear,i will.
i love you!!!!

2010-04-21T22:23:00.000+08:00

"pakkal je i ade mataer during my 1st year in the sch..kalau tak,da memang siang2 i nak kenal2 ngn u tau..ni pn nasib baek tau i dapat,padahal got 1 of my classmate pon actually wanted to get to know u..but i somehow argue and said eh takde2..aku da aim die dari aku first nampak die.." -b

aww..(!) i terharu! (:

rindusayangkamu.

2010-04-16T16:42:00.001+08:00

rindusayangkamu.
cinta Solihin yg satu.

2010-04-15T12:40:00.002+08:00

"Jgn buat i benci eh ngn perangai u..u da melampau tau..nk suke2 attitude.."

(how/what will you feel when your other half says those to u?)

hurt,and am in total deep disappointment.

2010-04-11T20:12:00.001+08:00

2012hours now.
is now meeting bb like finally after after a week.(of misunderstanding&arguements)
waited for him here at habourfront mac'd right after i end work hours ago.
now,he's ordering our meals.and i'm posting this up.
and yes,he don't even have the idea i'm on blog right now.

/2319hours/
am already home now.
resting and settling stuffs.oh,and preparing stuffs for work tmr.
yes,less than an hour,its gonna be a new week then.
hope that this coming week will end with some happiness.
cause for sure,i admit that i don't end this week with a smile although yes i'm happy to meet him today.i mean,only just now):
but its okay,we're both working tmr,and let us go back as crazy as usual ok b?(:
with that,
i love you solihin.

2010-04-10T13:35:00.003+08:00

Now,everything seem to be a little alright.

/1511hours/
am now currently so bored.like seriously.
my bro hafiz recently kept on pestering me,asking when's my off day;coz he wants to go out with me.and so,its my off day today,INITIALLY planned on hanging around over at westcoast,but believe it or not,he's now sleeping.
things like this will definitely make me mad.
i hate it when people planned something excited or something that worth the wait,but end up,cancelled.
ok next comes mama;who somehow plan the same thing too.since hanif wanted to play soccer.
so i say ok,get change quick and lets leave home before 5pm.coz i simply hates to go out during late-afternoons especially when i'm at home.
so right now,i'm just waiting for them.
however,its not yet agreed by dad.
so ya.let's just wait and see.

dear blogger,if by chance i'm posting here again at a later time,meaning i'm homing.

/1652hours/

YESSAAA! best cousins called,and yes,will be meeting them in few hours time.

lets lalaaaak!

2010-04-09T22:22:00.003+08:00

if its bad to worst;so what's after worst??
...
if you said you don't wish to argue,me too got no time to argue.i think its better if i keep this things to myself n better left unsaid,rather than to everytime telling you what and how my feelings are.cause for sure it irritates you so much whenever i got mad on things like this.
& from now on,whatever things happen;making me mad,i won't say much,won't argue,but to pretend not to know anything.

seriously,i really am so disappointed when you don't even care/think of my feelings.
and i just don't believe it whenever you said you don't want to know about these feelings.

now,as i'm typing this,i can't believe that i'm crying.
only God knows how i feel.
boy,if you don't want to know about whatsoever my feelings are,i don't mind.cause i will forever got the Almighty to understand.

/2318hours/
now,he's saying that i always get mad on wrong situations. marah tak kene tempat.
nak ckp boleh la tapi tengok tempat la syg.
??
who the hell will take a look at the situation first when he/she is mad?
...

2010-04-08T18:19:00.001+08:00

1819hours now;ended work an hour ago & am here alone at Habourfront Mac'D

& i thought that this will be better,but worst instead. Expecting happniess,yet always return hopeless.
The other half; wouldn't want to understand this feeling i'm having.
why?simply because everytime i tried to share to him this loneliness i'm feeling,he will forever respond: pls la..try to be understanding..jgn nak pentingkan diri sendiri ble tak..and jgn nak marah suke-suke..jgn nak suke-suke tunjuk perasaan..i hate that kind of person..

see! how would you people feel when your other half express those at you?seriously and honestly,it sucks big time for me.

Till now,i'm still eeking for his warmest understanding in negotiating this matter professionally. Yet i'm always the one losing,eventhough deep inside,disappointments are all over.

and again,i'm the one to blame.
yes i can be patience,however this doesn't mean that it can be taken for granted.

am really frustrated and so not in a good mood..your initiative???
mind you,this is not the first time.

i hate this alot*

2010-04-05T18:00:00.004+08:00

finally,today's my offday.
for the past hours,i had been resting,not.
cause as usual,this fingers of mine is not as tired as the rest of my body.
they play their game.and yes,its really a passion.

like here;new look for this blog.
spend quite sometime though.& bf didnt know that i was from the whole afternoon spending on this.if he got to know,for sure he'll nag.~bleargh

anyways,who cares?hah.my game,and its my passion afterall.
and now,am yet to receive any call from him.though he text message instead.
saying that he's finishing work soon.but i don't think so.
lucky that i didn't go to the 'extra mile' ,taking some time to vivo and fetch him.
if i were to do that,i guess i'm now at habourfront macD,being companied by this lappy,waiting and waiting until i-don't-know-what-time he'll be out from work. ala,bukan tak biasa pon..da biase sangat..

so basically,there's nothing much to say for now.
waiting for his call still.
till then,
takecare all(:

/2030hours/
and i guess it right.didnt get any calls from him):
feelings so pissed right now.
am so frustrated and not in a good mood.where's your initiative???
must i always be the one making the first move??
mind you,this is not the first time.
yes,i do know that this isn't something big to argue for.
but for this,there's no initiative in you.
i'm forever disappointed whenever this thing happen.
and,you're not working tmr.when i was somehow looking forward on going to work together with you.sigh.
this is the reason why i've been wanting to meet you at times.
is it me who don't understands you?
i wonder much.

& i just feel that whenever i need you at times,you are not around making my day.
yes,to you this is nothing to argue.but i just don't like it.

2010-03-29T12:09:00.003+08:00

yesterday's meeting with bb was fun!

like i mentioned,after so long;finally we had a great time together ytd.

went over to bugis to shop.then at night,met his family at beach road for dinner.

it was never a boredem meeting with the rest of his family members.

and it was bb's treat! (: ,thank you.

Sup Tulang as usual,will be the main food ordered whenever beach road is mentioned.

so yes,we ordered.plus satay & mee goreng.

then it was nearly 11pm when its about time to leave.

we left,and they send me home.

just before i end my day with a good sleep,i made a reflection;that i really enjoyed myself.

&iloveyouso.

2010-03-28T03:21:00.000+08:00

Hello one and all!

i'm back.

yes,back for more updates over here on blog.

too much things yet too little time to update.

nah..i won't elaborate each of it though.

anyway,talking about update;

will be meeting bb tomorrow & i just can't wait! (:

maybe some might wonder,why the hell am i so excited even when we're both working in the same island.

doesn't mean working in the same area makes us meet all times.

ok to wrap things up,i feel a little excited as its been quite sometime that we both last went out.

both too busy with work.

so yup,i will leave for now;with this outdated pic on our 2years anniversary lastmonth.

2010-03-12T12:48:00.000+08:00

will soon be exhausted as it feels like i can only exhale my breath till end of next week..

2010-03-03T08:15:00.002+08:00

its March,
and its gonna be hectic for me.
pack schedule.

(dear blogger,sorry for being missing from here for sometime)

2010-02-14T23:40:00.006+08:00

2 YEARS NOW.ALHAMDULILLAH.

2010-01-25T18:19:00.003+08:00

hello one and all!
am here right now in the office,doing some paperwork.
and uploading pichas! hehe.

& i love her! (:

2010-01-08T12:38:00.001+08:00

Siti Nurmai'syah miss photoshop so much as her fingers miss the design routine they always do):

thats exactly what my status is on facebook.

2010-01-01T07:47:00.002+08:00

HELLO WORLD! HELLO 2010!

to summarise
31st Dec;

-ended work at 7.45pm
-off to dhoby & met up with cousins
-head on to concorde hotel for countdown party

1st Jan;
-check-in at orchard grand court hotel
-ate late dinner at 2am
-slept at 3.45am
-woke up at 6am
...
(pictures on facebook & family multiply)

basically thats how awesome i ended 2009 and start a new 2010.

HAPPY NEW YEAR PEOPLE!

2009-12-26T18:11:00.002+08:00

Hello WORLD!!
oh my..so long since i update anything in here.
anyway,i'm now in the office.
and goin off pretty soon.
heh..ok,nothing much happend for the past very long period.
even if there is,but i've got not enough time to do it.
so ya.
ok.
takecare people!

2009-11-04T17:11:00.001+08:00

ok,am now in the office.having some little time to update things online.obviously,my mails are flooding.
anyways,happy 19th birthday to shidah darling!very sorry that i couldnt wish you on time.
on the other hand,work was fine.tiring of coz.
regarding me n my b,we're both doing great.both busy working.we're to and fro;to work and back from work together.
apart from that,recently was a little unwell.i didnt get much rest these days.
so overall,things were ok on one side.but on some work matter,is really killing me.

2009-10-23T03:05:00.002+08:00

just a short update:

first and foremost,thanks so so much to all dearest friends and cousins who wished birthday to me.
even some unexpected people text wishes for me.thanks alot! i love you all! (:

on the other side,i was working on my birthday.yes why?coz i practically feels that theres no point of me having an off day when i don't have any plans.bf?nah..he's currently bz with spooktacular event.
anyways,theres an advance from him to me.
hehe.
yesss..and of coz,he's getting sweeter and sweeter this days.
and omg! we're left with less than a month before the he's been called up for national service.
): sedih kape! but neminds.i'll always keep in mind those things that you said to me.

"whatever it is,you and i know sape yg ade dlm hati you,and sape yg ade dlm hati i"
-quoted from dearest bb.and yes dear,i'll keep this in mind k.
in other word,i love you!

2009-10-09T14:50:00.009+08:00

(outdated photos)

seems like i will have to reformat my pc everytime i want to use it. sampaikan aku da hafal every single formating steps.
haiz.seriously,i'm sick and tired of doing it man!
anyway,i'm here again,back for some updates.
much apologise to all who might be waiting for updates in here.
nah,worry not okay.i'm fine as always.
like i said,its just that i'm busy with work this days.halloween is coming soon.so theres alot of preparations to be made at my work place.meaning i will have to stay for night works when i'm on shift 2.just like yesterday,since i was the only part time staff working on my side,along with another 1 full time staff,so i have to stay till 10+pm to wait for the production service guys to end doing their lighting works.only then,i can close and lock up the place.
yes,production service.that is my bf's department.and yes,he was working too.and so we wait for each other to finish work.
i left office at 10.15pm.dear bb fetched me with his department van,and off we went to his office.
from there,we took his friend car,and alight at vivo.and off me,dear bb,and his friend rafi,we took the train back home.
thereafter,i reached home at ard 11.30pm.
and i was extremely tired.i've not been having proper rest and sleep for the past weeks i guess.
been coming back home from work at night.
but anyway,its ok i guess.this is what they call the working life right?
so ya,getting use to it so far.
and to dear friends or families out there,i'm not gone missing anywhere.
its just that aku ni skrg busy carik nafkah.cey! hehe.keje beb.

oh lastly,much apologies to friends who asked me out today.
imagine this,i've got a total of 4 group of friends/cousin who asked me out on the same day which is today?
1st group who asked was my ite mates.asking to join for dinner tonight.
2nd was my working mates.asking to join for a movie tonight.
3rd was fila.wants to meet.
4th was kak yana.need an accompany to arab st during lunch.
oh my! i'm very very sorry that i couldn't get to join you guys.
i gotto teach tonight.
insyaallah,one day when i'm free,we'll meet and hang out alright! (:
till next time,
takecare people!

2009-10-07T16:23:00.003+08:00

i'm back,finally.for after quite sometime gone missing.

i was away coz i'm somehow bz with work.
and i seriously got no time to log in here and there since weekends is still filled up with raya visitings.

anyway,everything was ok on my side.
5th oct was dear bb and my dear bro anep birthday.
yes,fall on the same day.heh.
photos can be found on my fb.

2009-09-23T16:39:00.001+08:00

all raya photos have been uploaded on my facebook.
do check it out there aite.
(:

2009-09-20T12:26:00.002+08:00

1 Syawal 1430;
SELAMAT HARI RAYA ALL!

see! even sentosa wishes all of you dear muslims,selamat hari raya aidilfitri.
(:
have a wonderful raya fellow bloggers!

2009-09-19T12:42:00.007+08:00

HELLO ALL!
ok ok ok,guess what?
i went geylang AGAIN this morning.

hahahaha! yes,met mama at joo chiat since she went there first early in the morning at 6.30am.
ok and so,once reached,mama had already bought the necessary things at the wet market.so left those minor stuffs.walk around,bought things here and there.and suddenly it rained heavily.
so at around 10.30am,we went home by cab.

like i mention yesterday,i will most probably keep updating about whats happening on my raya eve.

so far,this morning,went geylang,and was home at 11am.
once back home,get things started.

11.30-12.45 : potong ayam,cuci ayam

12.45-1.30 : start on kek lapis

1.30-2.00 : goreng ayam

2.00-3.00 : siang udang
3.00-4.00 : finalise kek lapis

4.00-5.00 : start on kek marble
6.00-7.00 : clean up balcony area
7.00-8.00 : makan!
8.00-9.00 : on tv
9.00-10.00 : continue spring cleaning all over the house
10.00-12.00 : sinar lebaran
12.00-2.00 : positioning back all furnitures,stuffs and what-nots
2.00-3.00 : on tv
3.00-9.00(next morning) : sleep!

2009-09-18T22:16:00.003+08:00

went over to geylang in the late afternoon with anep.
yes.just both of us.
went to buy daun pisang and beras hancur.
and seriously,i feel so makcik2 for the first time.going geylang without any adults.pegi PASAR pulak tu! gerek oi! kecoh!
as you all know,geylang was already so crowded as early as 11am i guess.
AND the thing that makes me so geram is that,most of the BAJU-BAJU,i repeat eh,BAJU-BAJU price has already been decrease down! yes,i saw with my own eyes that some original price was $85 and now they sold it for just $50! and some,from $50+,they sold it at $35!!
geraaaamm je oi!
calling-calling ALL kawans-kawans dan sedara,mesti mau turon geylang oi! besok last day lelong abes punya!

AND,besok malam raye oi!
and yess! i will have updates from time to time on whats happening on my malam raye tmr.
so stay tune!
(:

2009-09-16T10:55:00.004+08:00

somehow someone just made me mad this morning.
am really totally pissed off.
like i said,up to you if you want to apply whatever i told you,or you just don't give a damn on it.
if you rase ape yg i ckp tadi tu semua kosong and buang masa,go ahead.
what i know,i've done my responsibility to help you in a way.

//
anyway,heres some outdated photos;

2009-09-10T22:20:00.000+08:00

last tuesday was indeed a very memorable day for me.
it was the day where i get to meet bb's mum;cik ena, for after few months that we last met.
met her due to her request on wanting me to accompany her to the eye center at GH for her medical appointment.
atfirst bb told me that he won't be following.so i got to just go with his mum.yeap,i told him i don't mind about that.
but so not really surprisingly,he appeared right after i salam his mum.
hmph! kurang asam eh.haha.anyway,so we proceed to outram by train,and attended cik ena's medical appointment.
throughtout the whole event there,i really feel this something.a feeling like as if i'm the one really responsible for her,where actually his son,bb,were together with us.
ONLY that bb didn't show up his responsibilities as a son during that appointment event.
i say so because most of the time,it was me who walk up and ask around.not to be proud or what so ever,but its the fact.and,i followed cik ena to every of her medical checkups in the rooms.
anyway,cik ena have already booked me for her NEXTYEAR'S appointment on june 2010.haha.
she really tries to get a day where hopefully i won't have anythihng on that day.(where i don't know what is my day like on that june 2010.haha)
but nonetheless,insyaallah kalau mai free,mai antar cik ena lagi k.

and so,after those medical events,we head to geylang since his mum wanted to walk around and have some window shopping.walk and walk,and bb was frustrated coz his mum don't really buy any single thing at all at geylang.haha! because at 6.30pm,his mum decided to make a move,and therefore,we proceed to beach road next by cab.and that was where we break our fast.
his mum ordered foods and fruits.haha.and always never fail to offer me one food after another.hehe.
and that's not the end.coz from beach road,we took 961 straight to woodlands.and there,his mum bought foods again.AND again,i was offered by his mum.but this time,i say i cannot take any food anymore.mai dah sakit perot ni cik! (yes,that's what i told her.hehe)
so yeap,we talk for awhile and off we took 960 together.
they alight at kranji to board bus to singapore customs,while i bus ride home the rest of the journey.

those was the reason why i mention that it was a memorable day for me.
(we use to break fast together last year but that was at his cousin's home)
and indeed,i must say that its a memorable ramadhan-day with dearest bb,and his mum;cik ena.
i love both of you! (: thanks cik ena for the treats!

2009-09-08T01:19:00.002+08:00

a week that i've left my blog empty with no new updates.
a week or so;that i've left myself from checking emails.
simply because i've got no time for it.
yeap.not a single fifteen or ten or five minutes.moreover,my comp has been making a alot of problems.and now,at this 0126hours,i just setup everything back.
and phew! all files are still save in folders.i was already prepared to lost everything like reformat situation.but lucky not.
anyway,i'm done with my OJT at IOS.alhamdulillah.i grade myself 7/10 for the whole training duties i did at IOS.now onwards,is the time where work is really work.i'll have to get myself used to the real work situation where i'll put myself in a work environment,and nothing more like training days.
yeap.and thanks to the IOS staffs;(hazima,afiqah,syu,ada,herlina,siti,yet bing,geraldine,farlyana) who were really supportive and have helped me alot during my past 4 days of OJT(:
thank you all!

and for now,i'm free only during DAY TIME on wednesdays and fridays.as for weekends,i still have to depend on my roster.
yes,i am of course tired.but i must say that somehow i'm liking this job.heh.
as time goes by,i'm for sure will learn a lot about tourism and customer service.

since today's already a tuesday,i might as well update something briefly for today.
will be accompanying bb's mum for her medical appointment at GH at 12pm.
then later part of the day,theres currently no plans as yet.ONLY that yesterday,when i was having my 1hour break at work,i called bb,and he passed the phone to his mum.and thats where his mum asked me to accompany her.AND the cute part is,cik na(bb's mum) mentioned this;
cik appointment kul 2.apape kalau da abes,kite singgah geylang kejap ke ape la.hehehe.
hahaha! semapat aje ye! hehe.
wells.i guess i NEED to go to sleep now.
eh eh,anyway,i've not been waking up for predawn(sahur) for the past days of ramadhan.
i only woke up for it on the first three days of ramadhan,and days afterthat,i didn't.
coz i don't feel like eating.
hah! whatever it is k maisyah.
ok,go to bed right now!

2009-08-31T12:53:00.000+08:00

hello world!!!
i miss blogging,i miss facebooking,i miss msn-ing i miss every internet related routine i do as usual.
haiya..yes,actually i'm all exctited to go online yesterday,BUT my comp was shut down for like a day?ya..and now,after configuring,its back to normal.ishk!
and ya,someone made me mad yesterday.i mean,my whole mood is unstable la yesterday.
bla bla bla and end up,i was the one at fault.haiz..tgk la,part2 salah die selalu end up salah akuuuu jgk.kesian maisyah.

anyways,like finally,i get to meet KILAAA! yesssaaaa! its been quite a loonnnnggg time since we last met.and yup,met her after work last saturday at town,together with danial and dearest b.and dearest b has always been so annoying whenever we all met.kept disturbing not only me but kilaaa as well.sorry eh kila,u should know his irritating perangai.haha.
and yea,we met at orchard mrt,and walk down to fareast.and by then,i was like the only one yg blm really had a proper buke.and my appetite has always been craving for junks and fastfoods.and that makes dearest bb nag and nag at me.but its ok,i still want fastfood.hee.
so we went to fareast KFC,and i had my usual KFC meal.
thereafter,we proceed and head down to PS.where thats another annoying act of bb.he's like searching for toilet and all he knows was the toilet at the upper level?
hah! padahal kt bawah ade seyy.then walk around,sat outside PS for a while and off back home by train.

ohhh before i remember to forget,last satuday was also my last day of OJT at Fort.
so yeay! i passed! and and,i was posted to IOS now.
alhamdulillah that i was not asked to report today.atleast i managed to payback my sleep.haha.
and i've already gotten my staff pass.and thats another yeay as well.hee.
so up next,i will start on my OJT1 tomorrow at IOS.
morning shift oiii.8.15 nk kene report oiii.
haha! takpa2..soon i have to adapt to this new working environment..

as for later part of today,i might be meeting bb for buke.so b,i want fast food boleh?
nope,i don't think he allow.coz he's been asking me to eat rice for his worries on my gastric stomach.hmph!
neminds.ayam penyet pon ade rice kan?bole eh?k?
(:

PS: TO MY BLUACKORZ FRIENDS,KORANG BOLEH FIND A DAY/DATE FOR THIS YEAR RAYA OUTING TAK?COZ AKU NK KENE REPORT TO NEXT MONTH'S ROSTER AS SOON AS POSSIBLE UH.k? can? thankiew lovelies!

2009-08-26T13:24:00.000+08:00

last 2 days was hectic for me.yes it is.
was on OJT.anyway every OJT took 4days.so i chose the last 2 days,tomorrow and saturday.
why i say yesterday was hectic;coz i had to be at Fort by 9.15 latest,to punch in and everything.
just imagine,for you people who got no idea about Fort,its ok.but just so you know,its an uphill area.yup,somehow in the middle of the forest kind of environment.
my 1st day of OJT was mostly on observation.yea,i have to observe how their work procedure is like.
as for my 2nd day,which is yesterday,i was on the ticketing area where that's the first stop when guest/tourist came before touring around fort.
and yeap,honestly,i think i did ok la.but on the communication side,i still have problems.
anyway,just if you readers might be thinking,what time i ended OJT,and how i break fast.
well,only at Fort,their working hours is 1 shift.yeap.so its from 9.15 to 6.45.
and as for my past 2 days of break fasting,dear bb fetched me with his department van,and bring me over to his office area where there's the store room.
so that was where we break fast together with his 3 other friends.
and yes,they were the ones that made my day.coz for as i am working throughout the 9hours,much of my communication is on the guest but not on the staffs.coz why?i didnt know them that well.
yup and not working today friday and sunday.HOPEFULLY.coz i don't wish to get a call from any staffs asking me to come down.
but yesterday was the most rabak i must say.i stand for like 5hours straight! tgh puase2 ni.
yes there is a bench around the ticketing area,but as staffs,we're not allowed to sit unless if we have finish doing closing.
and that's about my OJT.
as for myself,things around me was not as good as always.
bb said that i might be suffering from gastric.coz i've been having this unusual pain in my stomach.which bb had suffered before,and he ended up being in the hospital having an operation.
of coz i don't wish that to happen to me.but until now,i still feel the pain.
i got no time to go to the doctor.
moreover,during the past days of sahur,i've not been eating alot.not even half of the rice in my plate i consume.
how bad that can be.
and i feel like i couldn't consume rice for the time being.that makes bb more worried about me.
haiz.
but having both of us working at the same island,but of different areas,theres not much of the difference as being like in the same school like before.
and if you think i go to work together with him.well nope.we don't.by right his working hours is about the same as my OJT.however he always have his own working timing.i'm pretty ok with it la kan.up to him.what i know,i reach work on time.but as for the after work hours,yes,we got to meet.thank god he didn't have to work overtime like somedays before.
i'm waiting for tomorrow.break fasting again with him and his friends.they were so very nice that they bought me foods and drinks.thank you to those abang2.hehe.
but as for this coming saturday,on my last day of OJT,only if bb ends work early,then we will most probably get to meet.but if he ends as late as 9 or 10,i might be going home alone i guess.
see how things are on that day itself.
well,its his payday on that day.hehe.so bb,blanja me fastfood ok! my perot cannot consume rice but can always consume those junks fast food.heh!

so that's about me for the past 2 days.
will update only when i got the time.
heh.
got to go now.will be teaching later at night.
takecare all!
to all my kawan kawan,saye rindu awak semua!
saye rase saye mcm bz teramat lah sangat skrg ni.
hehe!
and ya,sometimes on my bz-ness,i feel like as if i got no facebook.part2 teringat je tros rindu facebook.hehe!

2009-08-23T14:19:00.002+08:00

how's your first day of ramadhan yesterday?
seems like most of you guys buke with your family or love ones right?
nah..don't ask mine,course its uninteresting at all.
heres the reason why:

yesterday i went to job orientation at sentosa.
and i was the only one who's shortlisted from the group interview the other day.
and ok.i went there.all by myself.i repeat,ALL BY MYSELF.
yess..couldn't manage to find the office at first,but like i said,all by myself,i get to the place atlast.
ok and then,they bring me to a briefing room,whereby the 2hours briefing held there.
so i sat in there,talking and learning here and there about the job scope.
and at ard 4pm,a malay guy,who's the i/c from 1 of the attractions,bring me on tour around sentosa.
its about 2hours tour and the last place was the songs of the sea.yes,that guy told me that since we're running out of time where the show only starts at 7.40pm,and he have to go back to office,so left me alone.and he ask where should i go while waiting for 7.40.and i told him its ok,i can manage my self,buke somewhere and then i went to the 7.40 show la kan.
and den he insist and ask me to buke along with the SOS staff.
in my heart i was like,ehhhh taknk la..tak kenal budak2 situ,abey takkan aku nk sardine buke ngn dorang.
so ya,end up,1 SOS guy called me,and bring me in to the show sits first.and he says,when da buke,he will let me know.
ok lor.aku tunggu pnye tunggu.tak call2 pon.atlast,b msg me and say jb da buke,takkan spore blm buke.
part tu aku tros fedup.straightaway aku minum h-two-o yg aku beli kt 7eleven.7.40pm,show tu pon start.
korang bayangkan eh,ape perasaan korang klau pegi show sorang2?
duduk di tengah2 tourist and orang2 yg ade kt situ?
abey da gitu takpe,buke kt tempat tu jgk.
SEDIH KAN!
haiz..that's why i said earlier,don't ask me on my 1st day of puasa.its not so interesting at all.
but then,i take it as cobaan.and the good thing is,i manage all!
yes,evenso i'm all by myself!
ergh.
anyway,tmr's the start of my 4days job training.
i told them i'm available tmr,tuesday,thurs and saturday.
so yeap.will have to report 9am at fort office for this 4days.and it will ends at 6.45.
ok.again,i don't wish to have the same buke routine like my 1st day of puasa.
hoping so much if b will be working on those days and atleast,i had someone to buke with me.

2009-08-21T23:03:00.000+08:00

i'm crying right now.
am really disappointed when a boyfriend says that he dislikes me expressing my feelings to him.
like oh my! then if its not with him that i share,who else?i mean,this is feelings in a rship.so of course to him then who else??
ergh! i think,for after much and alot of words that i seek his understanding,only 20% of it he applies.whilst the rest of it,he don't even care much.
and thats where he says all girls are the same when it comes to this kind of feeling2 matter.
oh boy.don't you know that girls are sensitive at times?and girls always need the attention from her guy.yes,the attention,the love.
ok,i know u love me.and u said u miss me too.
haiz..
i'm left with no words to explain all this.
and you tell me to think for myself,to think as an adult.
yes.i can.and i am.
but simple matter like expressing this little heart of mine to you,is something you hate i guess.am i right?
ok fine.then i shall avoid myself expressing my feelings to you.and i shall now leave and express my own feelings to my own self.

2009-08-19T23:47:00.000+08:00

i'm now feeling so upset.
i got selected for interview for the job i applied just yesterday.
am glad on their fast respond though.
but however,i don't think i can find my way to the office.
i need my b to accompany and show me the way cause he works there.
yes,he's not working tomorrow but is it so difficult to come and accompany me there??
klau slalu tak keje,anytime kawan ajak lepak kat keje,bole aje.bile part mataer sendiri mintak teman,buat mcm tk kuase je!
ya! i'm not asking him directly.but i've already gave him so much hints so that he could come and accompany me.
but he didn't show me anything.
ergh!
da la..thanks eh b..again,u make me gone hopeless.
mls uh i nk argue straightforward on this.
if you think its your responsibility to atleast come and show me the way,then i would absolutely be glad.
but if you're not,and u feel that i can find my own way there,then up to you uh eh.

2009-08-16T19:56:00.002+08:00

as i mentioned yesterday,off to obek sipa's hs and den to vivo and then back to obek sipa's hs for very late dinner.
most of my cousins left after that however my family,cik cu and cik pa stayed as we're waiting for abg aan and yati to arrive.
and so they arrived at 1am.and as usual,we had a great chat together.
then when it strikes 2am,we went back home.thank god that my home is near to obek sipa's.
just a 10minutes away distance actually.
and when i reached home,got changed and off to sleep.
and was awaken by my alarm at 5am,called bb,and woke him up.
as usual la kan,called and called.and it always took me 2hours or more to get him to answer the phone and assure me that he really have woke up.
then i got back to sleep,and got awaken by mahirah's screaming saying "KAKAK! BANGON! MAMA DA NAK ABES KEJE! MAMA SURO SIAP SEKARANG"
geeeeee! i'm still sleepy even when she shouts that.and just as i was about to get back to sleep,mama called my mobile.
ohhhhhh and that is when i got no other way to get back to sleep but to force this bum to get up and off to shower,and get changed.
thereafter,left home at 2.15pm to cousin's house at woodlands.

got home at 7pm just now.and am now blogging,facebooking,hotmailing,smsing,stomachaching,tired & sleepyyyy.

anyway,bb gave me a lecture that day.cause he's really worried that i still can't get any job or school by this time.
i know he wants the best from me.and like he mention plenty of times,if i think there's no other way that i could enter any school,then might as well i get off to work.and with this,he gave his 100% assurance for me to get a full time job if possible.
since months ago,he wanted me to work at his place but of different department of cause.
but i told him many times that my parents would not allow me to work at his place.
don't ask me why.i myself don't know how and why is it so hard for them to allow me working there.
but in this case now,i've made my 80% decision to get a job there at his place.and when asked by parents where am i working,i tell them something else.maybe something similar but of cause not mentioning the location.cause its the location that they don't allow me to.
i know its a sin.but i hope god understand my reasons.
haiz.tell me,what is it that is wrong working there.
here now,i thank god that atleast there's bb who continuously gave me his support eventhough i'm pretty sure that i can no more rely on my parents especially my dad's agreement.
i will tell myself to work hard on my coming job.insyaallah.

2009-08-15T14:04:00.000+08:00

finally,after all misunderstandings,went out yesterday evening and met b.
we went off to city hall thereafter.and off to bugis later part of the night.and as usual,we had his all time favorite fast food outlet which is the Burger King.
then we left bugis at 10.30pm and off by 960.

as for today,
i'm currently now still at home.already done my house chores which is half the job of a housewife i guess.haha.
anyway,i'll be out to obek sipa's house and then to vivo to watch the asian beat where knightwings will be competing.
supposingly there's kenduri held at obek sipa's house but all of our hearts were on knightwings performance tonight.haha.so will only be back to obek sipa's home after the event at vivo ends.
good luck and all the best to the knights for tonight's performance.
we will be there,giving you guys the best support.

yeap so i guess,up till here for now.
will update again tomorrow.insyaallah.

2009-08-14T12:29:00.002+08:00

true enough.just like what i've expected.
not meeting.no outing.

(9.45am - 12.20pm)
haiz.most of the times i just don't understand when it comes to this kind of situation.
it always happens this way whereby he will feel sorry for disappointing me,and i'm disappointed for all the awaited excitements,end up its gone hopeless.
its not his fault sometimes.however i just feel like as if situation has always been this way to us.
mind you,this kind of thing already happened few times before.and because of this,we quarrel and there comes the misunderstandings.i seriously hate it.that is why i say i hate last minute plannings and confirmations.cause things will gone hopeless.
just like what i mentioned in the previous post.
you guys should now figure out why is it most of the times,i'm the one who's very excited.some might say,aku ni semangat giler nk jumpe mataer.mcm 1tahun tak jumpe gitu.
here i admit,i know.here's what i can explain.
cause like i said,he didn't live in Singapore,so when situations like this happens,there's no way and no time for us to change the situation and make things back happening.
i try not to make things worst.of cause,he did apologized.and he did wished our anniversary.
and he already plan on postponing today's outing to nextweek.
frankly i said,i wouldn't want to get excited on that cause if i did,i can assure things might be repeating like today,or worst,he got to work on that day.
then again,i will get more pissed don't i?
for if you people want to know how it feels like having my loved one staying overseas,its really an endurance.seriously.

(1.30pm)
now,he's calling and messaging;saying that he's guilty for not meeting me.
and i haven't made up my mind yet if i want to meet him later.

//
hmm.what a day.what an anniversary-day.
nonetheless,i still love you.

2009-08-13T14:29:00.001+08:00

tmr's 1yr6mnths.
& someone beautifully spoils my mood today.
i tried to be understanding.and i've understand you alot.
but sometimes,this feelings made me change.
when was the last time we had quality time spending together?
most of it were just short meet ups.and yes,i appreciate that though.
only that i personally feel that i want to spend atleast a day going out with you like how we used to last time.
haiz..how fast time flies..
our past fun times has always been lingering in my mind.
where we were in the same school,waiting for each other after lessons.and make plans for little short outings.even just hanging under void deck nearby school.
talking,joking and laughing with our friends.
how i really miss those times..seriously..

now that his working day is not fixed.got to work whenever they need him to.
of coz i don't mind him working.
but its hard to get him on his off days.
we're not like couples here,who can easily find that little time even though its a last minute plan.
but not for us.he's not staying in singapore mind you.
and that's one of the many things i have to endure and understand.
& i hope this clearly explains why i've always been missing him every now and then.
alhamdulillah,i've known him for a year and a half now;and those sacrifices,patience and endurance.nothing will i ask for in return.
i seriously can't describe how much i appreciate your sincerely love for me.
throughout all and much hardships we've been through personally or together,that makes me love you more even how much pain you've hurt me before.
maybe,if i didn't follow my heart,we're so long apart.however thanks to the Almighty;who kept me strong in overcoming those.
honestly,i've never ever give up on you.my love too,had never fades away for you.
never i did.and never i will.
i know he won't be reading how long my heart would say on this.& i know,he will definitely turned to tears if he were to read this.coz he ever read something similar which i wrote on my notebook,and tears really fell on his cheeks.

anyway,to my dear Solihin,i really do love you.

2009-08-12T16:24:00.009+08:00

first and foremost,
congrats to Sarah Aqilah for being the Anugerah 09 champions.
also to wawan for getting 3rd.
all the best!

now,am currently missing my bb botak.
& getting last minute rest before i get changing and off to teach tonight.

oh and,i think something's wrong with me at the start of the day today.
(as on fb status)

Siti Nurmai'syah sang Kau Ingin Ku Miliki & Bila Rindu when she just woke up from sleep this morning.HAHA!

(da buang tebiats kn?i know.i think so too.)

\\
why can't he simply understand that i hate last minute plans??
why is it that girls are always way so patient waiting even when it took hours to wait?
and why can't he just take some time waiting for me?like how i did whenever i really want to meet,and am always willing to wait,and did my own sweet time hanging anywhere that i could,just as to kill time.

guys! ergh.

2009-08-09T15:01:00.000+08:00

2009-08-08T22:04:00.001+08:00

missing you.

2009-08-06T15:28:00.000+08:00

yesterday's temperature; 39.4.
lost appetitte.
but to only eat soup for the whole day.
doctor says; a very high fever.
& having bad sore throat.

2009-08-02T22:26:00.000+08:00

i'm currently missing hubby solihin so badly.

2009-07-30T23:55:00.006+08:00

2009-07-27T11:57:00.001+08:00

5 - 0

singapore kena liverflu.

2009-07-26T14:03:00.003+08:00

yesterday;

went out to NUH,visit my uncle at ICU; who is confirmed to be infected with H1N1.
will keep on praying for him to get well soon insyaallah.

off to singgah nyai's house for maghrib.
and head off to changi road for dinner with cousin's family.
also,congratulations to kak yana upon her graduation in bachelor of arts in accounting and finance.

after dinner at changi,off proceed to lepak at marina barrage.

2009-07-20T23:15:00.002+08:00

hati bagai ditusuk duri

sakitnya hati,payah diubati

umpama sembilu bisa yg menikam jiwa

(part2 gini slalu temperature aku naek)

2009-07-17T15:44:00.003+08:00

HAPPY 8th BIRTHDAY MAHIRAH SAYANG!

& i haven't gave her those yet.will just wait til tonight(:

2009-07-16T23:50:00.000+08:00

thank you so much for your time,coming here all the way from jb just to keep me company,cheering me up and make me feel comfort by your side.
even so you lectured me so much just now,until i couldnt hold on to my tears;
still,i keep it as a learning point and a positive advice.without you,no one will comfort me just like the way you did.thank you so much my dear hubby.

you know i love you.

yes, i appreciate you too.

2009-07-15T12:37:00.003+08:00

went over to kila's crib for the first time yesterday evening.
attended her mini birthday celebration.

bb was invited and supposingly he's coming along with me.
but..haiz..i just don't wanna mention here.
u guys should know me well of how frustrated i can be when it comes to last minute decisions.
and thanks that he hurt me on our 1year5months yesterday.
like i said,i won't be elaborating more on what happened between me and him.

anyway,will upload kila's birthday pics once i received them.

after much and countless smses,as such,he's making me more pissed by finding my faults,and just to make the situation calm which i am actually still pissed,i just replied,'nothing..i luv u dear'
&..

is it wrong for me to simply say 'i love you' to him,the one i really love?must it be said only on particular occasion? hmm

2009-07-14T00:45:00.001+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO KILAAA!

2009-07-07T17:21:00.004+08:00

fetched bb after he finishes work yesterday.
met bb at vivo.had dinner with 3 of his friends.
and off bb and i headed to PS.

finally i bought the shoe i wanted.
and thanks to bb for the accompany.

thereafter,walked frm PS to bugis coz bb really had a hard time deciding what
watch to buy for himself.
craving so much for G-Shock but ended up buying kswiss.haha
and while walking,he gave me a new ring.
and thats like OMG!
like seriosuly,he's becoming more sweet and romantic this days.
we did had a new ring few months back,and now,he bought a new one.
together with that,he surprised me with a fred perry bag.

the story behind this was actually,on sunday,i was totally in no mood.text bb about it and he tries to cheer me up all along thru sms.
but it couldnt get me a smile until he says this;

da la syg..tkmo tkde2 mood lagi k..bsk klau jadi jumpe,i give u the new ring i bought and another thing..syg nk tk?

with no reaction neither a smile or excitement due to my mood,i replied;
huh?ape sey another thing..tkya laa..

and this was his reply that makes me smile;
ye syg..u want to know what?actually i told u that day i bought fred perry bag kan?b blng ayg b beli utk diri b sendiri kan?sebenarnye b belikan utk ayg la syg..

then,with lots of reactions.i was totally shocked,with little tears,and a smile i replied;
huhh?? i tot b beli utk urself??ohhh dear! u're just so sweet b! kan ayg nk nangis kann..

and he said;
ehh syg nk nangis buat ape..ala its ok la syg..that time during our first year anni pon b tk kasi ayg pape kann..so just take it k syg..

and i said;
ya allah! b..first year anni kan da lame lepas..ayg tk mintak pape pon b..aniway,thank you so much b! now u've already make me smile! (with a smiley face of coz) (:

and he said;
hehe..ahh..thats my gal..

i'm just so touched with his romantic-ness.
& while waiting for 960 at bugis,theres another thing that makes me turned to tears.
(aku part2 gini memang terharu sangat2..asek2 turn to tears je..)

me: da eh b..ni da beli jam,da mcm2 b beli..tkmo shopping2 lagi k..simpan duit tu..
b: ala syg..duit bole carik la..b tk kesah pon
me: ah yela tu..nanti ayg start membebel baru tau.
b: eh2 syg ni..jgn start k..
me: tau takot
b: (smiling away while smoking)
me: asl sey sengeh2?
b: ape die?haha..tkde la syg..tgh fikir something ni..
me: ah ye..fikir smpai sengeh2 gitu eh..
b: yela2..ni next gaji,b tk shopping lagi la..
me: ckp je
b: ye..betol la..sebab...
me: ape?!
b: shopping tetap shopping TAPI,not for my stuff.b ade nk beli sumtink utk org.
(and all along his hints was refering to me,but i just smiled.haha!)

if really he'll surprise me again,haiz..
nothing can describe how i feel for his sweetness and romanticness..

2009-07-04T15:54:00.004+08:00

just a random questions and answers i spend throughout my boredom.
and this was posted on my fb notes as well.heh!

kpak bing bing!

1. How old are you?
- 19

2. Are you single?
- nooo.

3. At what age do you think you'll get married?
- 24?25?26 latest.tgk la keadaan.klau da keje,duit da cukup,ape lagi..kawin uh! haha!

4. Do you think you'll be marrying the person you are with now?
- y not? insyaallah.. :) takdir penentu segalanya

5. If not, who do you want to marry?
- hmm..duno eh.. takdir penentu segalanya

6. Who will be your bridesmaid & best man?
- bridesmaid and bestman? sape nk jadi,kene go thru audition dulu k.hah!

7. Do you want a garden/beach or traditional wedding?
- gua tak cerewet.garden/beach/tradi

tional combine pon alright pa! haha!

8. Where do you plan to go on honeymoon?
- ini i tak cerewet.up to my hubby.haha! *mentel* tapi since he got contacts on sentosa,den situ pon alright pa.heh!

9. How many guests do you think you'll invite?
- org kate klau eldest confirm ramai eh?hmm..sedare saye pon ramai..kawan bapak saye lagi ramai dari kawan saye.haha! cm mane eh?

10. Will that include your exes?
- ok la.saye dgn exes saye takde perasaan hasat dengki.so ape salahnye jemput.haha!

11. How many layers of cake do you want?
- sikit2 cukup.bnyk2 muak oi.end of the day pon nanti terbuang.wasted kan! heh.

12. When do you want to get married, morning or evening?
- hmm..nikah friday mlm.sanding on sunday uh.yg saturday mlm tu gua buat pre-wedding rock concert.amcm?! haha!

13. Name the song/tune you'd like to play at your wedding.
- tak cerewet.pape genre pon gua alright.

14. Do you prefer fine dining or just normal spoon,fork and knife?
- buffet ler.and up to them nak pkai fork ke spoon ke knife ke tangan ke.

15. Champagne or red wine?
- champagne halal ble?hah! ahh..coke uh! tk pena org kawin ade coke,gua kawin sume mabok coke ok! heh!

16. Honeymoon right after the wedding or days after the wedding?
- tak cerewet.up to my b.

17. Money or household items?
- cm mane nk ade household items klau takde duit? and for this,i shud include car items.my b will forever be crazy over car items.ergh.

18. How many kids would you like to have?
- 1?2?3?4? ahh the more the merrier! hahaha!

19. Will you record your honeymoon in DVD/CD?
- maybe?tgkla keadaan.

20. Whose wedding plan would you like to know next?
-all those ppl i tagged. (yg da buat,tkya..i da bace u all pnye wedding plans)

2009-07-01T23:21:00.003+08:00

went out with bb yesterday.
trying to cheer himself up and make himself happy.
and am glad that he's moving on and thinking ahead.

bb,i love you.

2009-06-27T10:56:00.008+08:00

إنا لله و إنا إليه راجعون
inalillahiwa'inalillahiroji'un

tenyata,tuhan lebih menyayanginya.

al-fatehah to bb's dad;cik daud,yang telah kembali ke rahmatullah.
moga rohnya dicucuri rahmat dan ditempatkan bersama golongan orang orang yg beriman.amin.

to bb;i know u won't be reading this.
u have to accept this fact..and u have to stay strong k b..tuhan lebih sygkan papa..kite hanya mampu berdoa.
dah menjadi takdir tuhan ayg tak sempat/tak dpt jumpe arwah papa semasa hayatnye..ayg mohon maaf..
dari jauh,hanya doa yg dapat ayg sekeluarga panjatkan.
semoga bb sekeluarga tenang dlm hadapi kenyataan ini.

:'(

2009-06-26T12:01:00.005+08:00

i couldnt get to sleep last night.
waiting for bb's msg to update me about his dad's condition.
subahanallah.his dad's condition is now 50:50.
keadaanya dah semakin tenat.
told bb to keep on praying.
redha dgn apa jua keadaan.
sesungguhnya takdir penentu segala.

lailahaillallah